Dear Q: Lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely

Dear Q,

I am uniquely afraid. I am alone all nights. Sadly, I have no female companionship. Even Chinese women, who, my friends say, faun over foreign men, have eluded my wooing endeavors. I think I’m attractive and hilarious. I have no apparent faults except for one: I’ve been told that when I eat I move my mouth in a way that looks like a cow chewing cud. Consequently, I’m afraid to open my mouth. I do not want to be lonely. Either my wooing ways are failing or Chinese girls aren’t that easy to get. What should I do?

Signed,

Mister Lonely
————————————————-

Dear Afraid,

Have you recently moved to this country? Are you making normal (not female companionship) friends? It sounds like your first order of business in resolving a heightened sense of fear and loneliness at nights is to go out with some friends! Engaging in social activities will keep your mind occupied, so you don’t indulge in excessive analysis on the “What’s wrong with me?” question. It will also hone your social skills, whether it’s for wooing girls later or conversing about Chinese men’s soccer with a bunch of guys. I hear BookWorm and Starbuck’s are great places to make new English-speaking friends. If the above doesn’t work, your second step might be to see a therapist. Perhaps this “cow chewing cud” comment was delivered to you at a young age and has severely damaged your confidence in public? All the best in your friend finding endeavors!

Cheers,

Q

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