Dear Q: Don Juan Coming Clean

Dear Q,

I love a woman as beautiful as the ocean breeze collapsing on the cheek as it rests solely divine upon the crisp sand of dawn. She once loved me, now no more. Out of my deep love for her, I once confessed all my lovers of the past. Tragically, I am the greatest lover in all the world. I have had many conquests but now I only desire one. How can I in back my lover’s heart?

Signed,

Unfortunate Don Juan

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Dear Don Juan,

You have a way with words…and women, so it would seem. You’re the very picture of what the Chinese call “lang zi hui tou.” You were once a cavalier Casanova, a debauched Don Juan, but then you met your match. Your lady love, in her coyly cunning way, wanted to dig out all the dirt on your playboy past and it appears she succeeded. So you fessed up, she stormed off, now what? Tsk, tsk, cluck, cluck, this is an age-old tricky problem. Had you not already come clean I might’ve told you to reply to her prying with a cool “The past is the past, all that matters is that I now love you.” (At a certain age it becomes rather childish to pursue all the lurid details of a lover’s past, upsetting each other, does it not?) But now that the damage is done, there is little you can un-do. It’s no use pretending you were momentarily schizophrenic, drunk, or suffer from compulsive lying (not that these would help your case). You just have to put in your dues (ply her with flowers, poems, and assurance of your constant love for her and only her) and bide your time. If she loves you, she’ll get over the number shock and learn to trust again. If she’s too afraid of becoming another notch on the bedpost, well then, it’s her loss at a chance with “The Greatest Lover in All the World,” isn’t it?

Cheers,

Q

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